A couple of years ago, Tweeters were a little more patient with newbie Tweeple, maybe they didn’t quite understand the concept, maybe they’d been given bad advice. But enough is enough, Twitter is mainstream now, it’s not just a communication tool for techies. Approximately 25% of adults have Twitter accounts, there’s just no excuse for bad Twitteretiquette at this point.

Hence the list of Top 6 Things You Can Do to Make Me Un-Follow You

1)
Talk AT me (rather than to or with me)-Twitter is not your personal soap box, don’t give me blow by blow updates of your meals or fun cat pics (unless you’re @CarrieBugbee). Have a conversation with me, even talk TO or WITH me, but talk at me and I hear “Blah, blah, blah” #Fail. Unless you’re @iTunes, @ToddMintz or have exceptional taste and education in music, I don’t care about what you’re listening to right now.

2)
Sell to me-If I become interested in your product/services/brand and I reach out to you to learn more, by all means give me your best elevator pitch. If I start following you and you instantly ask me to buy one of your bullshit widgets I will un-follow you, put you on a “beware of this jackass” list and incant a nasty curse on you and your first born. It’s the offline equivalent of meeting at the coffee shop and asking me to help you move. Not gonna happen.

3)
Talk about Yourself-I don’t care about what shirt you’re wearing today or what you’re doing for dinner or how your daughter is doing in college (unless you’re @LisaBarone, @portentint or @MatthewRayScott because they’re bright and funny and even their insignificant 140 character updates can add sunshine to my day.)

4)
Retweet without reading-If I like your content and updates and find your sharing valuable I’m likely to read and retweet your content or RT’s. If you retweet dumb shit nobody cares about for an affiliate program, we’re done and I rarely give second chances.

5)
Spam me-I’ve been doing online marketing for 13 years. Spam is now and always has been the most unpleasant part of the business. There is so much great content, knowledge and perspective to share that I’m amazed that there are businesses who feel okay making money from the philosophy of, “Who cares if I only get a 0.0001% response rate if I send it to 12 million people.” You’re too good for this, get off your ass and do some real thinking about who you are and what you want to do with your life. If you can’t tell your Grandma proudly what you do for a living (I send emails that advise 6 million women to buy a pill they can take to have a bigger penis) take a step back and rethink your approach. There are better (and, yes, more profitable) ways to make a living.

6)
Keep it online, when it’s a conversation for offline-Okay, this is a little scary for me because the people to whom I’m referring are my heroes (and they may un-follow me just for writing this.) Yes @GrayWolf and @DannySullivan, you stand up to Google and @MattCutts and that makes you brave and pioneers, but you don’t have to back and forth about every detail of a technical disagreement on Twitter when it’s a conversation better suited for another medium. There is a lot of great stuff and a lot of BS written about SEO and if I’m ever confused about an issue I go straight to Danny’s Search Engine Land because he gets it right. It’s not just because he’s the Godfather of search. It’s because he does his homework, he knows his stuff and he’s a great writer. But we get it, sometimes you know better than Google, take it somewhere else.

Bonus Tip:
Be forthright-Care about something, have a philosophy and stick to your guns. It’s okay to be swayed about an argument, in fact it’s one of the things that makes debate so fantastic. If you Twitter that Tide is the best detergent in the world and you really prefer the cheaper Arm & Hammer detergent because you think it works just as well for less money, don’t fib about it. My favorite Twitterers are people who stand up for what they believe in, even when it’s not convenient and they’re wise enough to admit when they’re wrong. Be as forthright as you can in your communication as possible or it will come back to bite you on the ass.

I told a friend I really liked her dessert and Twittered that I thought it was not so great (something about the pears being murdered in their sleep rather than baked). I had forgotten that all my Twitters went to Facebook and she knew I was talking about her and it hurt her feelings. That was an asshole thing to do. I should know that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything. Just because I have Twitter friends who think it’s funny when we haze people, it’s not nice and it could hurt someone’s feelings.

So what’s the moral?

*Be a friend, good citizen and communicator. Have other people’s best interest at heart and you’ll ultimately serve even your own needs.

*There are always exceptions, for good reason. But HAVE a reason if you break etiquette, and it better not be just because you think your f@#%ing special.

Comment here to vote for your favorite and give an example of how you’ve been wronged on Twitter and be entered to win a basket of goodies.

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Thank you to friends for sharing their Twitter do’s and don’ts. Please also read “10 Things You Need to Stop Twittering About”

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